In it, we chronicle the rise and fall of the epic Dwarven fortress, Boatmurdered. Actually, it's pretty much all fall. Each ruler was given a single year of gametime in which to manage the fortress, then they gave the reigns over to the next player in line. I have added the occasional editor's note to clarify things, but mostly I stay out of the way.

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Players often record their Dwarf Fortress exploits as written stories, dramatized for other readers. Here are some stories from Dwarf Fortress players that either made me laugh or made me want to salute the bravery of the poor dwarves caught in a clusterfuck. This is the most classic Dwarf Fortress tale.

It was aptly named: It starts off with a rampage of murderous elephants and ends with fire. Note to self: be careful with magma in my saves. The dwarves from the Hamlet of Tyranny were almost entirely wiped out when they accidentally dug into the home of Ashmalice the fire demon.

Rather than give up on the fortress, the dwarves decided to avenge their fallen brethren and take out the demon once and for all. In the universe of Dwarf Fortress , Hell is real, and you get there by mining too deeply. Usually this means an invasion of demons and a rush to plug up a literal portal to hell, but the dwarves of the fortress Archcrystal have a different plan. They want to build a clear glass fortress in Hell and live there. This playthrough started in and is still ongoing.

This is a short but astonishing comic about what happens when ordinary dwarves accidentally encounter a fell beast. Fell beasts are huge, terrifying monsters, and one of them landed on a pump that needed to be manually operated to fill the fortress with running water.

Would you be surprised to learn that a lot of dwarves died? Cacame is the unlikely elven king of the dwarves. Dwarves and elves tend not to see eye to eye.

While elves love nature, dwarves need trees to make beds. Elves really hate to see trees cut down, and also love to make wisecracks about dwarves being short. Given that his wife was injured in an elvish war then eaten by another elf, I can see why Cacame decided to ditch the elves for the dwarves. Having an elf king is so unusual in Dwarf Fortress that Holy Mittens chronicled their history in this 70 page forum thread , which is also readable in this slightly more digestible wiki entry.

This is the story of the dwarf Catten, his pet eagle, and the dragon they faced down together. Tholtig was a dwarven queen locked in a genocidal war with the elves, with a kill count of over two thousand beings. Tholtig led her compatriots to victory time and again, but at the cost of her family and eventually her fortress. When you start Dwarf Fortress , after generating a world, you have to find a suitable place to embark and start mining. Each site will have different levels of evilness and savagery.

Some could be enchanted forests, with fairies and brewable plants aplenty. Other places are haunted forests with ratpeople and rains of malodorous ooze. The fortress of Glazedcoast is the second kind of place, and the ratpeople are in the basement. We were on a starvation spiral, and I had also forgotten to neuter any of the male dogs. The dogs went around impregnating all the other dogs, and we were just about knee deep in puppies. We had so many that my game slowed to a crawl, making the food problem even more dire.

How could I solve both problems? I felt awful about it, for sure. It took me a good few minutes to make the choice. But my dwarves were eating dog-meat pies and sporting puppy-leather armor by the time the butcher was finally through. Sound off in the comments. The A. Read on. Subscribe To Our Newsletter. Your guide to gaming delivered to your inbox daily. Gita Jackson.

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In the year , the dwarven civilization of Kinmelbil, "The Oaken Tomes", exhausted the last of its mines. Driven by lust for gold and rumors of the priceless and all but mythical metal adamantine , a team of seven colonists was dispatched to build a new home for the dwarves of Kinmelbil in the Smooth Points of Pride. The first year of diaries from the ill-fated foreman of the mine were recovered , giving some hint as to the beginnings of the fortress that once stood there, if not its mysterious and presumably gruesome fate The game started innocently eno Then came the food shortages. And the goblins.



Boatmurdered is the story of an infamous Dwarf Fortress succession game that originated on Something Awful. Highlights include elephantine genocidal warfare against incessantly moronic-greedy dwarfs and "Fuck the World" levers that drown everything outside of the fortress in an ocean of all-consuming magma. There really is no good way to convey the insanity beyond reading the story itself. Essentially, Boatmurdered is a mysteriously abandoned colony in the mountains resettled by a small group of dwarves and their rulers. For the first several years, Boatmurdered becomes a respectable fortress inhabited by nearly a hundred productive dwarf workers.

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